A GULF AUTOMOBILE COMPANY AND AN ASIAN AUTO COMPANY DECIDED TO HAVE A COMPETITIVE BOAT RACE AT MESSILA BEACH  (SEA). BOTH TEAMS PRACTICED HARD AND LONG TO REACH THEIR PEAK PERFORMANCE. ON THE BIG DAY, THEY WERE AS READY AS THEY COULD BE. THE ASIAN TEAM WON BY A MILE.

AFTERWARDS, THE GULF TEAM BECAME DISCOURAGED BY THE LOSS AND THEIR MORALE SAGGED. CORPORATE MANAGEMENT DECIDED THAT THE REASON FOR THE CRUSHING DEFEAT HAD TO BE FOUND. A CONTINUOUS MEASURABLE IMPROVEMENT TEAM  “BAY GROUP“ WAS SET UP TO INVESTIGATE THE PROBLEM AND TO RECOMMEND APPROPRIATE CORRECTIVE ACTION. THEIR CONCLUSION: THE PROBLEM WAS THAT THE JAPANESE TEAM HAD 8 PEOPLE ROWING AND 1 PERSON STEERING, WHEREAS THE AMERICAN TEAM HAD 1 PERSON ROWING AND 8 PEOPLE STEERING.

THE GULF CORPORATE STEERING COMMITTEE IMMEDIATELY HIRED A CONSULTING FIRM ( BAY GROUP)TO DO A STUDY ON THE MANAGEMENT STRUCTURE. AFTER SOME TIME AND PAYING FEE IN THOUSANDS OF DINARS , THE CONSULTING FIRM (BAY GROUP) CONCLUDED THAT “TOO MANY PEOPLE WERE STEERING AND NOT ENOUGH ROWING.” TO PREVENT LOSING TO THE ASIANS , NEXT YEAR, THE MANAGEMENT STRUCTURE WAS CHANGED TO “4 STEERING MANAGERS, 3 AREA STEERING MANAGERS, AND 1 STAFF STEERING MANAGER” AND A NEW PERFORMANCE SYSTEM FOR THE PERSON ROWING THE BOAT TO GIVE MORE INCENTIVE TO WORK HARDER AND BECOME A SIX SIGMA PERFORMER. “WE MUST GIVE HIM EMPOWERMENT AND ENRICHMENT.” THAT OUGHT TO DO IT.

NEXT YEAR , AGAIN THE ASIAN TEAM WON BY TWO MILES. THE GULF CORPORATION LAID OFF THE ROWER FOR POOR PERFORMANCE, SOLD ALL OF THE PADDLES, CANCELLED ALL CAPITAL INVESTMENTS FOR NEW EQUIPMENT, HALTED DEVELOPMENT OF A NEW CANOE, AWARDED HIGH PERFORMANCE AWARDS TO THE CONSULTING FIRM BAY GROUP , AND DISTRIBUTED THE MONEYAMONG THENSELVES , SAVED AS BONUSES TO THE TEAM. (  IT NEVER HAPPENS IN GULF. MANAGERS WILL RECONVINCE MANAGEMENT TO HIRE ANOTHER FIRM LIKE BAY GROUP, TO GET THEIR COMISSION FROM NOMINATED FIRMS , AND IT WILL GO ON TILL THE COMPANY BECOMES INSOLVENT) HAHAHAHAHAH.  NON PROFESSIONAL, FLATTERY LIKING  MANAGEMENTS WILL REPEAT THE SAME STUPIDITY WHAT THEIR “LEARNED EXECUTIVES SAYS” ! ! SUCH COMPANIES , WHICH ARE GENERALLY FOUND IN GULF , ARE ALWAYS GOLD MINE FOR SHREWED MANAGERS , FULLY EQUIPPED WITH FLATTERY WEAPONS TO KEEP HAPPY MANAGEMENT! !

 

 

TO BE A MANAGER

A INNOCENT FACE KERALITE  WALKS INTO A CAFE WITH A SHOTGUN IN ONE HAND AND A BUCKET OF BUFFALO MANURE IN THE OTHER. HE SAYS TO THE WAITER, “ME WANT COFFEE”.

THE WAITER SAYS, “SURE CHIEF, COMING RIGHT UP”. HE GETS THE KERALITE A TALL MUG OF COFFEE, AND THE KERALITE DRINKS IT DOWN IN ONE GULP, PICKS UP THE BUCKET OF MANURE, THROWS IT INTO THE AIR, BLASTS IT WITH THE SHOTGUN, THEN JUST WALKS OUT.

THE NEXT MORNING THE SAME KERALITE  RETURNS. HE HAS HIS SHOTGUN IN ONE HAND AND A BUCKET OF BUFFALO MANURE IN THE OTHER. HE WALKS UP TO THE COUNTER AND SAYS TO THE WAITER, “ME WANT COFFEE”. THE WAITER SAYS “WHOA, TONTO. WE’RE STILL CLEANING UP YOUR MESS FROM THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT, ANYWAY?”

THE KERALITE SMILES , LOOKS AT FACE OF WAITER WITH HIS GLIITERING EYES AND PROUDLY SAYS,

“ME IN TRAINING FOR UPPER MANAGEMENT LEVEL, (GENERAL MANAGER TRAINING)  , DRINK COFFEE, SHOOT THE SHIT, AND DISAPPEAR FOR THE REST OF THE DAY.” AND POOR WAITERS ( SUBORDINATES) STARTED WASHING THE SCATTERED SHIT.

IF YOU WANT PROMOTION , WITH A WISH TO BECOME A MANGER , ACT UPON WHAT IS ADVISED .I ASSURE YOU A BRILLIANT SUCCESS AS MANAGER.