“COMPETITIVE SALARY”
WE REMAIN COMPETITIVE BY PAYING LESS THAN OUR COMPETITORS, YOUR SALARY IS STRICTLY RESTRICTED WITH APPROVAL OF YOUR MANGERS LIKINGS , HOW MUCH PROFESSIONAL OR EDUCATED YOU MAY BE ! WE DON’T CARE FOR THAT.

“JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY”
WE HAVE NO TIME TO TRAIN YOU, AS WE DO NOT KNOW  HOW AND WHAT TO TRAIN!WE ARE SUPPOSE TO FULL-FILL SEAT (  WITH “VASTA”)

“CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE”
WE DON’T PAY ENOUGH TO EXPECT THAT YOU’LL DRESS UP.INCASE YOU WANT ANY INCREASE , YOU MUST HAVE TO BE OBEDIENT TO YOUR MANAGER , FAILING WHICH YOUR JOB SHALL BE ALWAYS IN DANGER.

“MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED”
YOU’LL BE SIX MONTHS BEHIND SCHEDULE ON YOUR FIRST DAY.YOU WILL FURNISH AN UNDERTAKING THAT YOU WILL NEVER CLAIM YOUR ANY ACHIEVEMENT AVAILED IN BENEFIT OF COMPANY.YOU WILL NEVER RAISE VOICE OR PROTEST IF YOUR MANGER TAKES ALL THE CRITERIA OF YOUR ACHIEVEMENT.

“SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED”
SOME TIME EACH NIGHT AND SOME TIME EACH WEEKEND, DEPENDS UPON RELATION WITH MANAGER.

“DUTIES WILL VARY”
ANYONE IN THE OFFICE CAN BOSS YOU AROUND,YOUR MANAGER CAN MAKE YOU LOADER , A SWEEPER , OR A CLEANER . ALL DEPENDS UPON YOUR RELATION WITH MANGER, H.R IS HELPLESS TI HELP YOU , BCZ OUR MANAGERS ARE ALSO BOUND TO HELP OTHER MANAGERS BY MEANS OF A SILENT PACT.

“MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL”
WE HAVE NO QUALITY CONTROL, BUT WE WILL ALWAYS PROPOGATE ABOUT ITS IMPORTANCE IN PAPERS , BROUCHERS AND AT COMPANY LEVEL SPEECHES.

“CAREER-MINDED”
FEMALE APPLICANTS MUST BE CHILDLESS (AND REMAIN THAT WAY).IF UNSATISFIED , GO TI YOUR MANAGER AND ASK THE WAYS TO MAKE YOUR CAREER ORIENTED (INCREMENT/PROMOTION)

“APPLY IN PERSON”
IF YOU’RE  ”VASTALESS” OR WITHOUT SOURCE YOU’LL BE TOLD THAT POSITION HAS BEEN FILLED,ADD WAS ONLY A FORMALITY TO MEET WITH LEGAL AND COMPANY POLICIES.

“NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE”
WE’VE FILLED THE JOB; OUR CALL FOR RESUMES IS JUST A LEGAL FORMALITY.SUBMITT YOUR C.V AND FORGET. H.R IS “HUMOUR RESOURCE” AND ABSOLUTELY NOT”HUMAN RESOURCE”

“SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE”
EXPERIENCE MEANS –EXPERIENCE IN  FLATTERY AND SHOE LICKING.WE NEED VERY HUMBLE AND SOME “APPROVED FAITHFULL” EMPLOYEES. THOSE WITH EGGO OR PROFESSIONAL NEED NOT APPLY.

“PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST”
YOU’RE WALKING INTO A COMPANY IN PERPETUAL CHAOS.WE NEED A PERSON WHO 1ST CREATE PROBLEMS , INFORM ALL , THEN SOLVE THE SAME “SELF CREATED” PROBLEMS TO GET NAME , MEANS , MUST BE EXPERT IN KNOTING AND THEN DE-KNOTING.

“REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS”
YOU’LL HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF A MANAGER, SUBJECTED WITH YOUR ABILITY TO MAKE MANAGEMENT FOOL. ACTORS ARE ALWAYS WELCOME, WHO ARE SPECIALIZED IN EMOTIONAL ACTING (MUSKEEN FACE, SHIVERING BODY, AND ALWAYS SAYING YES SIR YES SIR, EVEN TO CAR DRIVERS OF MANAGEMENT)

“GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS”
MANAGEMENT COMMUNICATES, YOU LISTEN, FIGURE OUT WHAT THEY WANT AND DO IT.NO NEED TO APPLY YOUR MIND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

H.R IS IRRELEVANT, BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO TAKE CARE FOR THEIR “KHUBBAS” IN MOST ORGANIZATIONS, THEY DON’T HAVE ANY PROXIMITY TO ACTUAL RECRUITMENT. THEY WORK VERY SIMILAR TO A POST OFFICE ,( GETTING DIRECTIONS FROM MANGAERS ABOUT EMP;OEE AND DELIVER  IN THE BOX RELATED WITH )THEIR JOB GETS INVOKED FOR PAPERWORK, NOT FOR THE DECISION, SO GENERALLY “MIND NILL” PEOPLE ARE FOUND ON KEY POSTS AND GETTING AWESOME FOR ALL THE LIP SERVICE THE SLOGANS

“PEOPLE ARE OUR MOST IMPORTANT ASSET”
IS VERY SIMILAR TO SLOGAN OF GEORGE BUSH WHO CLAIMED CHEMICAL WEAPON IN IRAQ.VERY FEW ORGANIZATIONS HAVE REALLY CRACKED UP PEOPLE MANAGEMENT ,

IF BORED, READ BELOW.

THE HUMAN BRAIN IS MOST OUTSTANDING THING…….
IT FUNCTIONS 24HRS 365 DAYS…..
IT FUNCTIONS RIGHT FROM THE TIME U R BORN…. UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE

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SMILE – IS A LANGUAGE OF LOVE
SMILE – IS A SOURCE TO WIN HEARTS…
SMILE – CREATES GREATNESS IN UR PERSONALITY
SO….
BRUSH UR TEETH TODAY ONWARDS

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A CIGARETTE SHORTENS YOUR LIFE BY 2 MIN..
A BEER SHORTENS YOUR LIFE BY 4 MIN..
A WORKING DAY SHORTENS YOUR LIFE BY 8 HOURS!!!!..

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HISTORY TEACHER : FROM WHERE TO WHERE DID THE MUGHALS RULE ?
STUDENT : SIR, I AM NOT SURE BUT THINK FROM PAGE 15 TO 26 SIR….

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TEACHER : U FAILURE ! @ UR AGE BILL GATES STOOD FIRST IN THE CLASS
STUDENT : MIND U, SIR, BUT @ UR AGE HITLER COMMITTED SUICIDE…

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MARRIAGES ARE MADE IN HEAVEN THEN WHAT ARE MADE IN HELL?
ANS : THE DAYS AFTER MARRIAGE…

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DURING MARRIAGE CEREMONY WHY IS THE BRIDEGROOM IS MADE TO SIT ON THE HORSE ?
HE IS GIVEN HIS LAST CHANCE TO RUN AWAY.

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I WROTE UR NAME ON THE SAND …………….
IT GOT WASHED AWAY,
I WROTE UR NAME IN AIR……………………..
IT GOT BLOWN AWAY,
SO I WROTE UR NAME IN MY HEART………….
I GOT A HEART ATTACK

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LOVE IS LIKE A CIGAR
IT STARTS WITH A FIRE….. CONTINUES WITH SMOKE…..AND ENDS IN ASHES…
BUT DONT WORRY – WE ARE CHAIN SMOKERS…

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UR SMILE CAN BE COMPARED TO A FLOWER
UR VOICE CAN BE COMPARED TO A CUCKOO
UR INOCENCE TO A CHILD
BUT IN STUPIDITY
U HAVE NO COMPARISON
U R THE BEST…

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TRUE LOVE IS LIKE A PILLOW
U CAN HUG WHEN U R IN TROUBLE
U CAN CRY ON WHEN U R IN PAIN & U CAN EMBRACE WHEN U R HAPPY
SO WHEN U NEED TRUE LOVE
SPEND RS.50/-BUY A PILLOW

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DEAR FRIEND,

WHEN I ASK U FLOWER, U GIVE ME BOUQUET
WHEN I ASK U A STONE, U GIVE ME A STATUE
WHEN I ASK U A FEATHER, U GIVE ME PEACOCK

ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

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I HAD VODKA WITH WATER
I FELT DRUNK
I HAD WHISKY WITH WATER
I FELT DRUNK
I HAD RUM WITH WATER
I FELT DRUNK
I SWEAR I’LL NEVER DRINK WATER….!!!

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WHEN I CALL U;
1 RING MEANS I’M THINKING OF U;
2 RING MEANS I LIKE U;
3 MEANS I MISS U;
4 MEANS ………PICK D PHONE IDIOT